A Social Threat that is Cheeks

I'm reminded about this condition I read about sometime ago, it's called Autism. It's sort of like this medical condition where by the person develops an brain disorder from childhood that impairs their social interaction and communication, and causes restricted and repetitive behavior. Lol, it's not like I suddenly got diagnosed as to have this condition and am making a public statement about it, just thought it was interesting... =P

Lol..just joking. It's just that the thought of these people and their behaviour just dashed through my mind and I just begin to wonder, wonder if I share any similar characteristics. What do you think?

I had always thought life would be easier if I had a certain disorder myself like being mute, colour blind, or had white hair XD, and also it would make me more interesting. Not like I hate myself or think I don't get enough attention, just thought it would be more interesting.

But the thing is that I've been getting a lot of crap these days for no reasons and also throughout a couple of months. These crap I've been getting these days are not getting worse, but its me who is the one changing that makes these crap look worse than they are. So I just begin to wonder how much have I changed in the last 3 years which had been a real roller coaster ride for me personally.

I guess its not too far off to say that I've improve my social skills and met a lot of great people but at the same time the introvert side of mine worsened in the sense that there are times when I do a lot of stupid, selfish things. That would explain the PMS nature of mine that Ming always love to isolate as fact, then again I want to make it clear that its not something I enjoy being.

I apologize if I sound like a typical teenager but I just felt like setting records straight. I'm sure many of you have experienced moments where you get screwed for totally no reason at all, as if shit just had to fall on your head that moment out of a million gazillion other people. Its just that things like this never bothered me before as much as how it does now, and whenever it does, it reflects on how I think I've changed. I don't like making a big fuss or drama but it seems like sometimes it just comes out of me and I always regret the outcome.

It's really something I've been really struggling with, these PMS moments, makes me a social threat, makes me one those who drop shit on innocent people for no reason at all, it clouds my judgement, clouds my conscience, clouds my emotions.

This post is more like a public apology to those who had suffered my mood swings, especially Ming. I'm terribly sorry, I am trying to change, just doesn't seem to be really moving forward on this matter.

I might have identify a few remedies, like talking more, not like talk crap but have some productive conversations which I find it hard to come by. I had a source for these productive conversations until I screwed it up so badly, so it just adds salt to the wound. Though I do have some now, most of the time is just a lot of crap and miscommunication and misunderstanding happening which really discourages me and promotes my introvert-ness.

No part of this post should be of any relevance to anybody I suppose but it does to me and opening up like this isn't as easy as you think. But what I really want to tell everyone through this post is that its true I get PMS-sy SOMETIMES but I hope you all would understand and would invest a little more patience in me as I really want to try to change.

I do notice how people say I'm still the same old Cheeks, but I know nothing is ever permanent, and indeed there is a part of me that had changed in such a way not to my liking and I'm trying to change again. I'm reminded of this quote by this one very important person that,

"...change brings hope"

Coming to this chapter of my life where changes are occurring everywhere, it's probably normal I might lose grip on myself. I'm eager to find out what's instored for me in my life in time to come but at the same time afraid about what I might become, what I might gain and more importantly, what I will lose.

Oh well I better place the fullstop somewhere and I've decided that I'll put it here. Thanks for investing more understanding and patience in me. I take sarcasm too far sometimes and do not apologize but its not like I don't feel the intense guilt of it. It just doesn't show. So once again I apologize for any shit I've drop on anyone for no reason. Thanks for reading, and like how I say it more than a million times at Friday's.. Have a good day!